Back to Self
3 months! It’s been nearly three months since I left Louisiana broken-hearted due to a breakup with a fiancé. The first two months post-breakup? BRUTAL! The depths of despair I reached is simply unfathomable. But now? Three months post-breakup? Belay is back!
And when I say back, I mean back to the Belay before meeting my ex. The happily single, confident, and thriving Belay. And let’s be honest, happily single, confident, and thriving women are probably the coolest people on Earth.
That’s not to say, I kicked my ex to the curb and ceased communication. I openly admit that we have semi-regular contact but the boundaries are mega stiff. No more do I tolerate any disrespect. No more do I tolerate any blame-shifting. No more do I tolerate any gaslighting or manipulation. Texts of kindness and genuine interest are the only texts I respond to. And that, my friends, is a really good feeling!
I look back at those three years and it’s painfully obvious how much I compromised who I was and how depressed I became in that relationship - especially while living in Louisiana. While in LA, my head always felt foggy, I constantly felt that I wasn’t living life to its fullest potential, I constantly felt that I wasn’t in an environment that fostered growth, and - AND - I bought things! I literally bought item after item off Amazon to decorate my ex’s home hoping a more homey environment would alleviate my depression; simultaneously knowing that purchasing possessions went against my second core value of being simple!
The fact that I can write this blog with a feeling of indifference, feels good. So to my fellow girls who are going through heartbreak and feel like it will never end - it will. To my fellow girls who are in a relationship that’s taking more than its giving? I get it. One of my favorite quotes is by an elderly woman who was asked by Oprah “How do you know if you’re on the right path?” The woman’s response,
“You know you’re on the right path when you’re not betraying yourself.”
I betrayed myself for three years as I bought possession after possession in an attempt to make me happy. Now, I’m super happy that I’m back to a healthy headspace where I don’t feel the need to buy anything! Belay is back!
My biggest hope for you, no matter your circumstance, is that you eventually make your way back to your best self!
Cheers,
~ Belay
P.S. I also had a best friend going through an eerily similar breakup at the exact same time and we talked every morning and every night and without her, I wouldn’t be where I am today. So if you’re going through a breakup, find a friend! And THANK YOU Emilee!
Me on top of Kings Peak with my BFF Jess.
